Let’s be honest. I was terrified to create Fifty Shades Of Truth and BS because I knew it would expose the unflattering truths of the BDSM lifestyle that I used to live. The social stigma and the daily life associated with such a lifestyle are not nearly as glamorous as the elaborate fantasies told in the Fifty Shades Trilogy (by author E. L. James). Yet, here you are still reading.
Most people cannot begin to fathom the lifestyle that I onced lived as an active member of the BDSM community. I was once labeled as a slave and I naively assumed the position given my previous life conditioning. I did not have the ability to say “no” to abuser M nor was I able to recognize that such a relationship was unhealthy and doomed from the get-go. Did I live the 24/7 BDSM lifestyle by choice? No. There was a time when I was in denial and refused to believe or acknowledge that my introduction and entry into the lifestyle was against my will. However, after quite a bit of recovery work I now see that my apparent complete submission to a self proclaimed sociopath (amongst other things) was nothing more than a product of the combination of circumstance associated with the neglect and abuse that I endured as a child as well as the vulnerabilities associated with such traumas. My vulnerabilities were completely exposed and apparent to such a man of wit and manipulation. And he seized the opportunity to his advantage.
I now also realize that I am not alone in this frequent phenomenon. BDSM can seem fun and enchanting but it can also be very dangerous and even deadly at times. And that is one of the many reasons as to why I am ending the silence on my personal experiences with domestic violence and related abuse.
Let’s be even more honest. I truly believed that I would be highly stigmatized due to the lifestyle that I engaged in (despite the good intention behind the message that I am trying to exude here). If only I could easily convey the isolating stigma that I have personally encountered by being an open member of such a community but it is not so easy to comprehend if you have not personally encountered similar stigmatization yourself. It is an assumed and calculated risk if you openly claim to engage in the BDSM lifestyle. Yet such a risk healthily provokes the members of the BDSM community to lovingly and loyally support each other as if they are all members of an extended tight knit family.
However… to my great astonishment I have encountered 99% positive feedback on my blog. I am taken aback! Yes of course I have encountered a few negative duds along the way, but such is life. I won’t let words bring me down after all I have endured in life.
Anyways, what I really want to say is…
THANK YOU FOR FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!
For your support.
It means the world to me.
This letter is intended for everyone and anyone who is reading my blog, despite your opinions or viewpoints. The purpose of my blog is to spread the word about the dangers associated with BDSM and related domestic abuse while also promoting my recovery from CPTSD. Your presence here on my blog has accomplished just that. So, thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
P.S. I hope you stay tuned in to my future journey!
April 7, 2016 at 9:39 AM
It hurts my heart to see anyone who has been abused as a kid/in their youth be further abused and exploited in the guise of BDSM. I know myself what the kind and nurturing love of a true BDSM partner can be like and it makes me angry that abusers feel justified in hurting others by calling it love.
I am very much an advocate for empowerment, self determination and accountability; no area of human life is too intimate to be held to those standards. Abusers in the BDSM community should be exposed and convicted for their crimes no matter how untouchable they presume to be.
I am glad that you are courageous enough to talk about this. Courageous is whole hearted ness, full of heart and I can see how much you have to offer in terms of activism. Keep shouting, the world needs more people like you who will not stand for this injustice.
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April 7, 2016 at 9:49 AM